


When The World Crumbles

by Sarcasmcat



Series: You've Got Male! [6]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Homophobic Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:02:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22825321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarcasmcat/pseuds/Sarcasmcat
Summary: It takes a few seconds for the link to load, but when it does, Sidney feels his heart drop.  He doesn’t even need to see the title of the article, because the picture is damning enough.
Relationships: Sidney Crosby/Alexander Ovechkin
Series: You've Got Male! [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1065122
Comments: 3
Kudos: 73





	When The World Crumbles

**Author's Note:**

> First off, thanks to everyone who has read, commented and left kudos on this entire series. You are all wonderful people. 
> 
> Second, this takes place roughly five years after Going to the Chapel and three years after Behind the Bench. I hadn't meant for this story to be so long, but I didn't want to short change the plot, so here we are. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Sidney comes awake, sure it will end the never-ending ringing in his dream. It doesn’t and it takes him a groggy moment to realize his phone is ringing from where he’s got it plugged in next to the bed. He feels Alex shift behind him and then there’s a warm hand in the middle of his back. 

“Why phone ringing Sid?” Alex’s accent is heavier with the earliness of the hour, low and rolling.

With a groan Sid presses his face into the pillow. “I have no idea.” The team knows not to call him unless one of them is dying and the last thing he wants to do is answer the call. But a coil of fear pools in his stomach and he reaches for it, because something could have happened to Taylor or his parents. The moment he touches his phone the call ends and he picks it up with a sigh. He has at least a dozen missed calls and nearly as many texts and he has no idea how they slept through most of them. 

Taylor’s name is on the screen, but she also sent him a text, so he opens it instead. There’s a link and he taps the screen. It takes a few seconds for the link to load, but when it does, he feels his heart drop. He doesn’t even need to see the title of the article, because the picture is damning enough.

It isn’t anything explicit, but the way his hand is resting on Alex’s chest and the look on his face makes it obvious what is between them. 

His memories of the night are clear. He and Alex had gone out with the team, one last night before the season had started. They had driven in, and he had only had one drink, though Alex had downed a few more, but they had stayed for the entire time, to pour the rest of the team into taxis.

They had been standing outside, with only Jordan left and Alex had said something funny and he had laughed, turning into the other man, touching him like he has a million times since they’ve been together. But this one time, someone had been standing around and snapped a picture and now this. He stares at the picture, hoping it will change but it doesn’t and all he can do is continue to stare. 

“Sidney.”

He is suddenly aware of Alex pressing against his side and he lets Alex pull the phone from his nerveless fingers. Dropping his head to the pillow he takes a deep breath, thoughts already racing out of control. He isn’t worried about his career, not with the You Can Play initiative, which he has fully supported since it started. And at this point, he’s used to being hated by fans, so that isn’t really going to be an issue either. 

Alex’s fingers settle on the back of his neck, warm and familiar, stroking up and down. Sidney takes another deep breath, trying to focus on the feel of the touch on his neck rather than the turmoil going on in his head. It doesn’t really work, but the slow movement feels good and he’s glad Alex is here, because dealing with this alone would be terrible. Oh, he knows the team is going to be behind him, as they have been since Alex first came over, but there is only so much they can do. 

A buzzing on the other side of the bed catches his attention and he turns his head, just enough to see Alex’s phone, the screen bright in the darkness of their room. “Your phone is going off too.”

Shrugging Alex glances at it but doesn’t move away. “Is Zhenya. He wait until tomorrow.”

He doesn’t fight when Alex manhandles him onto this side before curling against his back, arm across his waist. Alex shifts behind him and there is a thunk as something hits the floor on the far side of the bed. He thinks it might be his phone but at this point Alex could probably throw it out the window and he wouldn’t really care.

“Worry more tomorrow Sid. Sleep now.”

Sidney can’t help but make a derisive sound because after this, he doubts he’s going to be able to sleep. “Probably not going to happen.”

Alex presses a kiss to the back of his neck before lightly pinching him. “Close eyes Sidney.”

Huffing a laugh Sidney does, pressing closer to Alex. “Okay.”

\-----

Groaning Sidney presses his face into the pillow. He knows he must have fallen asleep at some time last night, because he has that groggy, gross feeling he gets when he hasn’t had enough sleep. Blindly reaching out he frowns when he can’t find Alex in bed and he lifts his head. Grey light is coming in around the curtains and he tosses back the blankets. 

A quick look at the clock shows it to be a little after seven and he scrubs a hand across his face. It was almost four in the morning when Taylor had called, so he’s had maybe three hours of sleep and all he really wants is to crawl back into bed and sleep. But he can’t because now that he’s up, Sidney knows he isn’t going to be able to fall asleep. Not with what is ahead of them. 

He rounds the bed, not surprised to find his phone on the floor. He picks it up and unlocks the screen, wincing when he sees how many texts and calls he has missed. Heading towards the stairs he starts going through the texts, all of which are some variation on the article Taylor had linked him. He ignores most of them, knowing the team doesn’t really expect responses from him.

From the sound of things Alex is in the kitchen and he heads that way. He sets his phone on the counter, screen up. “Morning.”

Alex glances up from the cutting board with a tired smile. “Hi Sid.”

He looks as dragged out as Sidney feels and he crosses the kitchen. “I guess that means everything wasn’t a nightmare.”

“Was not Sidney.” Alex sets the knife down and turns, holding an arm out in invitation.

Sidney takes it, stepping into Alex and leaning into him, feeling the other man shift to support his added weight. He presses his face into Alex’s neck, hand curling into his shirt and he sighs. The thought this might happen someday has always been a lingering worry, one he has mostly managed to ignore over the last five years. But now they’re going to have to deal with it and he knows it isn’t going to be easy.

He isn’t sure how long they stay like that, Alex’s hand trailing up and down his back, but he sighs and pulls away. “What did Geno have to say?”

Alex shrugs as he turns back to the cutting board. “Same Taylor send you.” He glances at Sidney. “Get fruit out?”

“Yeah.” Sidney pads to the fridge, glad to have something to do even if it isn’t enough to keep his mind off the impending mess his life is spiraling towards. He rinses and starts cutting the fruit up, eyes darting to his phone like he expects the phone to start vibrating. 

Gently elbowing him Alex inclines his head toward the phone. “Cut self if not careful. Not need to make day worse.”

Sighing Sidney looks back down at the banana he was cutting, and he’s honestly surprised his fingers are still intact. “You’re probably right.” He finishes cutting the fruit and mixes it into something resembling a fruit salad. 

Setting it on the table he gets water out of the fridge and leans against the counter, watching as Alex tosses vegetables into egg whites along with some turkey bacon. Despite everything going on Sidney can’t help but smile. He’s had this for five years, Alex in his life and home and it still makes him warm to think about.

Once the scramble is done Alex divides it onto two plates, handing one to Sidney and they settle at the table, next to each other. The press of Alex’s thigh against his is grounding and Sidney finds he’s hungry despite the fact his thoughts keep circling back to how his life has been upended. 

They finish eating and Sidney catches Alex’s arm when he moves to stand. “I’ll get the dishes, since you made breakfast.”

He gathers the plates up and rinses them before slotting them all into the dishwasher. His phone is flashing with a notification and he unlocks the screen. This one is from Mario and Sidney opens it, scanning the message. He sighs and scrubs a hand across his face before looking at Alex, who is watching him. “Mario wants me to come in to talk about this whole fiasco. Do you want to come with?”

Alex shoves back from the table, nodding as he does so. “Be good to get of house. Just need shower.”

“Fifteen minutes.” Sidney heads upstairs to the master bath and he’s glad the house is so big, even though it really is a little much for just the two of them.

He makes it back to the living room before Alex and he isn’t really surprised. There are days it seems like it takes the other man hours in the bathroom for just a shower and as much as it annoys him, it is also a little endearing. Not that he’s ever going to tell Alex that. 

When Alex finally does appear, he’s wearing his Crosby shirt and Sidney can’t help but give a genuine smile. Alex knows exactly how much he hates that shirt and he only ever seems to wear it when he’s trying to annoy him or get a smile. “Of course, you would wear that.”

Alex shrugs. “Everyone know now. Seem right.”

Sidney can’t really argue with that and he pulls a hoodie on. “Do you want to drive or should I?”

Alex shrugs again, padding to stand in front of Sidney. “Not matter.” He curls a hand around his elbow, squeezing. “Whatever want.”

“I’ll drive then.” He knows Alex is a safe driver, despite his love for speed, but right now he thinks it would be better if he drove. It’ll give him something to focus on beside what is going on right now, at least until the season starts. 

Picking his keys up from the hook by the front door, next to Alex’s, Sidney heads outside, Alex trailing behind him. They get into his car and he backs out of the driveway, steering well clear of Alex’s car. It had taken him a while to figure out how to get it without offending him, but when he had, it was a Christmas/anniversary present. Alex had been delighted and he pays for the insurance and registration from what he makes working for the local youth hockey league.

The drive to the arena seems to take no time at all and Sidney sighs as he pulls into the lot. There are cars in the parking lot, mostly staff getting ready for the season and Sidney parks in his usual spot. He and Alex start walking, shoulders bumping, and Sidney is once again glad for Alex’s presence. By now most of the important people in the organization know about Alex and having him here isn’t going to turn any heads, even with the article. 

The door to Mario’s office is standing open and Sidney knocks on the frame. “Hi.”

Mario looks up from the papers on his desk and gestures. “Come in you two. We might as well get this out of the way.”

Sidney drops into one of the chairs and Alex settles in the other one, pressing a knee against his. 

Folding his hands on the desk Mario looks between them. “Sidney, obviously we find this breech of your privacy reprehensible and the organization stands behind you one hundred percent.” He glances at Alex. “And as Sidney’s partner Alex, we offer the same to you.” 

With a slight struggle he picks up the paper on his desk and holds it out to Sidney and Alex. “This is the press release we had written this morning, when we realized what was going on. You of course have a say about any changes you feel need to be made.”

Sidney takes the sheet, holding it at an angle so Alex can read it. The release is short and to the point and he looks at Mario, keeping the sheet still while Alex finishes reading it. “I don’t think anything else needs to be said.”

Alex gives a nod and slumps back in his seat. “Is good.

Mario accepts the sheet and sets it back on his desk. “We’ll get it out as soon as possible.” He looks between them. “Is there anything else we can do for you two?"

Sidney laughs, the sound harsh. “Short of making it so those pictures never saw the light of day, no.” He feels Alex’s hand settle on his thigh, and he sighs. “No, I think Alex and I will be okay. At least until the season starts.”

Mario frowns. “We had talked about that too.”

Shrugging Sidney manages a wan smile. “I’m used to having a target on my back. At least that won’t change.” It’ll just be something else for the other teams to come after him for, which will be a pleasant difference. 

He looks at Mario. “Do you need me for anything else?”

The older man shakes his head. “No. We just wanted to let you know we stand behind you and to get your approval on this release.”

“Okay.” Sidney stands, Alex a second behind him. “Thanks Mario.”

“Anytime.” Standing, Mario shakes their hands. “Try not to worry about it too much Sidney. This will blow over before long and everything will be back to normal.”

Sidney knows Mario is trying to make him feel better about the situation and he appreciates the thought, but he knows it isn’t going to be easy. Drama and news like this tends to linger around the league until everyone is tired of it, and he knows there are going to be a lot of people who are going to hold this against him for a long time. 

They leave Mario’s office and Sidney leans into Alex when the other man puts an arm around his shoulders. No one up here is going to be surprised to see them and he feels a little less off balance with Alex close. They reach the stairs and Sidney turns into Alex, pulling him closer to the wall. “Do you want to go to the rink?”

The thought of going home to sit around and stew about this all day isn’t appealing and even if it’s just he and Alex at the rink, it’ll give him something else to think about. Plus, they haven’t gone lately and once the season starts it’s going to be harder to make time for them to go. 

Alex nods. “Sound good. Need to shop for dinner too. Not much at home and think we need something good.”

“Okay.” Sidney smiles as they start down the stairs, side by side. Alex has been cooking more recipes he’s gotten from his mother, and Sidney has been surprised to find he’s enjoyed most of it. “I’m up for whatever you want to make.”

Alex reaches across the railing and catches Sidney’s wrist, squeezing. “You like. Mama always make when I not happy growing up.”

There’s a note of wistfulness in Alex’s voice and Sidney knows it well. It’s been almost a year since Alex last went home and Sidney knows he’s been thinking about making a trip soon. “Are you going to tell your mom about this?”

Alex nods as they start back down the stairs. “Yes, later. Mama worry about you too Sid.”  
Sidney is sure Tatyana is more worried about his life effects Alex, than him, but he’ll take it. Their relationship has been better in the last few years and she even came to visit for a month last year. It had been odd, but nice to have her around the house.

They reach the bottom of the stairs and Sidney pushes open the door leading out into the public hallway. “Still planning on going home?”

Shaking his head Alex glances at him. “Was going too, but now going to wait. Not fair to leave you alone when this going on.”

Warmth blooms in his chest and Sidney can’t help but smile as he looks at Alex. He knows the rest of the team has his back, on and off the ice, but there’s something different about hearing Alex say it. He still isn’t sure how he managed for so long before Alex, but the last five years have been good, minus Alex leaving, which he still blames himself for. 

“You don’t have to stay for me Alex. I’m used to people not liking me and I can manage for a few weeks.”

Alex stops and turns, poking him in the shoulder. “Am not leaving Sidney Crosby. Do more good for me to be here than at home.” He leans in. “Is not what partners do?”

Sidney hadn’t really thought anything he said was going to work so he shrugs, not surprised. “Yeah. Thank you.”

Grinning Alex throws an arm around his shoulder, guiding him toward the doors. “Thank me with fun at rink.”

\-----

Laughing Sidney lets Alex shove him back against the boards, his stick trapped between their bodies. “Okay, I give up.”

“Good.” Alex kisses him, slow and easy before pulling back. “Should go. Need to shop still.”

Sidney doesn’t really want to, not when everything feels right, the glide of ice under their skates, just the two of them messing around. Once they leave, he’ll have to think about the picture, what it means for them and his career. And soon they’ll have to worry about what it means for Alex’s own career. He loves coaching the kids and he’ll be heartbroken if this whole mess leads to him losing his job. 

He lowers his stick, bending down to pick up the puck. “Alright.” Straightening up he tosses the puck to Alex, who deftly catches it. “Thank you.”

Alex cocks his head to the side, a faint frown pulling at his mouth. “For?”

Shrugging Sidney makes an all-encompassing gesture. “For everything. For putting up with my weirdness.” There are dozens of things he could say, all on the tip of his tongue, though none of them are what he wants. For dealing with him being stupid, for helping him through all the injuries, for accepting the fact now that Sidney has him, he’s needy and relies on him. But mostly because Sidney loves him, and he hasn’t been able to say the words, though they’ve been together for half a decade. 

With a smile Alex shakes his head and skates closer, eyes warm like he knows what Sidney is trying to say. He shakes his glove off, letting it drop to the ice as he reaches up to cup his face. Scanning Sidney’s face, he leans in and presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Have told you before Sidney. I like weird.”

Sidney barely manages to avoid twisting his hand in the front of Alex’s sweatshirt, heat blooming under his skin because he thinks Alex is the only person who hasn’t made fun of him for being odd and obsessive. “Come on. The grocery store is waiting.”

He heads for the door in the boards, Alex trailing behind him. 

\----- 

Sidney gets out of the car and looks at Alex over the top. “Do you want to get the groceries or gear?”

“I do groceries.”

By the time Sidney manages to wrangle their skates and sticks out of the car Alex is already halfway to the house and he frowns when he sees the limp. He knows they had played a little harder than normal, to forget last night, and he kind of wishes they hadn’t. Guilt is always his predominant feeling when he sees Alex’s limp, and this certainly isn’t any different.

Slamming the door, he hurries up the walkway, crowding behind Alex as he unlocks the front door. “Your knee.”

Alex glances at him, with a fond smile Sid has seen dozens of times, usually when he mentions his knee. “Is fine Sid. I take some aspirin after shower and maybe use rub.”

“Okay. I can do your knee for you, if you want.” He really doesn’t mind doing it, enjoys the chance to get to touch Alex and help with his pain.

A lazy, playful smile curls Alex’s mouth and he pushes the door open, stepping in so Sidney can follow him. “You rub knee, always give me ideas.”

Laughing Sidney tucks their skates and sticks into the hall closet before he turns to pull bags of groceries from Alex’s hands. “I can’t help the fact you have a one-track mind. Come on, groceries need to be put away so we can shower, and I can do your knee.”

Alex sighs but follows Sid towards the kitchen. “Yes Sidney.”

\-----

Sidney drags his thumb along the lower edge of Alex’s patella, smearing in the rest of the rub. The spicy, herbal scent of it fills the air and Sidney picks up a towel, wiping his hands clean. “How does it feel?”

“Is good.” Alex sounds tired, his head tipped against the back of the couch.

Getting to his feet Sidney kneels on the couch, leaning over to press a kiss to Alex’s mouth. “I’m going to go wash my hands, before I get this stuff all over.”

Alex waves a lazy hand at him and Sidney smiles as he heads for the kitchen. It’s a good thing Alex wanted to get dinner in the oven before getting his knee done, since Sidney doesn’t think he’s going to be moving until the timer goes off, or even then. 

Entering the kitchen, he quickly washes his hands, making sure to get rid of all the residue. It had only been once that he had rubbed near his eye after using the salve on Alex’s knee and the all-night burning had been enough to remind him to always wash his hands. 

He grabs two bottles of water and heads back to the living room, smiling when he sees Alex. His partner is sprawled out on the couch, right leg hanging off the cushion, hands resting on his stomach, eyes closed. He looks comfortable and Sidney is jealous, because he really wouldn’t mind catching a nap, but Alex hasn’t left any room. 

He sets the water bottles on the table at the end. “Really, I wasn’t even gone five minutes.”

Alex shrugs and looks at him, eyes bright under his lashes. “Am tired.” He shifts slightly, patting the cushion next to him, drawing his leg back up onto the couch. “Come. Is plenty of room.”

The couch is massive, since they replaced it a few years ago, and Alex had been insistent on getting something bigger than the old one. Even with that, Sidney isn’t convinced they’re both going to fit. He isn’t the biggest guy in the league by any stretch, but he’s solid and Alex isn’t a wilting flower either. 

But the thought of laying down with Alex is tempting. Sighing Sidney stretches out next to Alex, sinking into the dark fabric, and he throws his leg across Alex’s, careful to not bump his bad knee, arms tucked between their bodies.

It feels good, to be so close to Alex, but he isn’t going to just give in. “If I fall off-”

Making a rude sound Alex turns his head, pressing a kiss to Sidney’s cheek. “Is not far Sid. You live.”

Sid shakes his head. “Thanks.” He tucks his head down against Alex’s shoulder and closes his eyes. 

\-----

The alarm on the oven startles Sidney awake and he feels Alex’s groan rumble through his body. Blindly reaching out he pats Alex on the chest. “I got it. Take your time getting up.”

He has no idea how long they’ve been napping, but it’s probably been long enough for Alex’s knee to stiffen up, even with the rub he had put on it and the last thing he wants is for Alex to hurry and make matters worse. Rolling from the couch he scrubs a hand across his face as he heads for the kitchen. He feels better and it’s a testament to how tired they both were, with the way he had dropped off. 

His last clear thought is of settling against Alex, smelling soap and being warm. He doesn’t even remember falling asleep, though obviously he did. 

Grabbing a couple of potholders Sid pulls the dish from the oven and set it on the burners. Whatever it is smells magnificent and he’s surprised to find he’s hungry. He hadn’t been this morning, though he had eaten, because Alex had gone through the trouble of cooking and he can’t stop eating, turmoil in his life aside.

Sidney looks up as Alex comes into the kitchen and he isn’t surprised to see the other man is a little stiff. “Sit down. I’ll get everything on the table.”

Alex looks like he wants to argue but he grimaces with his next step and nods. “Is not burned?”  
Pausing in digging through the drawer to find something to put the hot dish on Sidney glances at their early dinner. “Nope. You timed it perfectly. Your mom will be happy.”

Slowly lowering himself into a chair Alex smiles. “Am happy. Would be bad if I burn dinner.”

Sidney finally finds a trivet to put the hot dish on and he sets it on the table before getting out plates and silverware. He hands them to Alex before grabbing bottles of water and a spatula for dinner. “You only burned dinner that once.”

Alex’s nose wrinkles in disgust as he works at dishing up their dinner. “Was your fault it burn.”

Sinking into the chair Sid accepts the plate Alex hands him, holding out a bottle of water. “Don’t blame me. You could have been paying more attention too.”

Alex glances at him, a faint grin pulling at his mouth. “Hard when you so distracting.”

Ducking his head Sidney smiles and picks up his fork. He feels Alex’s leg brush against his under the table and Sidney shifts in his seat, pressing back against Alex. It makes the other man smile and Sidney takes a bite of dinner. 

They eat in silence, their legs the only point of contact between them and Sidney feels some of his tension melt away. Not enough for him to relax, but enough that he doesn’t feel like he’s going to snap with the slightest movement. 

Pushing back from the table Alex reaches across to take Sidney’s plate. “I do dishes.”

Sidney scrambles to his feet, whisking the plate away. “I got it. You cooked.”

Alex levels a knowing look at him as he keeps a grip on his own plate. “Sid.”

Shaking his head Sidney heads towards the sink. “You cooked and your knee is stiff.”

With a fond smile Alex joins Sidney at the sink, gently hip checking him. “And can still do dishes.”

“We’ll both do dishes.” Sidney braces himself, knowing it won’t work if Alex really wants to move him. It has happened before.

Alex grins. “Is good.”

Together they clean up the dishes and Sidney puts the rest of dinner into a container so he can get it in the fridge before they forget about it. 

Alex tucks the last dish into the dishwasher and dries his hands before turning to look at Sidney. “Am going to go call mama. Should tell her what happened.”

“Okay.” Sidney gets water from the fridge, handing a bottle to Alex. “Tell her I say hi.”

Alex curls his hand around Sidney’s on the bottle, leaning in to kiss him. “Yes Sid.”

Leaning back against the counter Sidney watches as Alex leaves the kitchen and a sudden wall of loneliness crashes into him. He knows the feeling is ridiculous, Alex is just in the office, where he can sit in the comfortable chair, with his feet up, because his conversations with his mother tend to run on for hours, not that Sidney has a problem with it. This is the first time since everything went sideways this morning Alex hasn’t been close at hand and it makes something twist uncomfortably in his stomach. 

He knows if he followed Alex into the office the other man would smile, pointing to the other chair, but Sidney won’t. Alex deserves his privacy, even if Sidney still doesn’t know much Russian. Instead he heads for the living room and he flops down on the couch. He turns the TV on and sets it on the League channel. The broadcasters aren’t talking about anything he doesn’t already know and none of it is enough to keep his attention off the knot in the pit of his stomach. 

Sidney glances to where his phone is sitting on the table. Since the last text from Mario this morning the screen has remained blank, save the few times he has checked the time on it. With a sigh he snags his phone off the table and unlocks it. It only takes him a few seconds to find the text from Taylor and he opens it. 

The article seems to load faster this time, and he drags his gaze down the picture. Even now, with late afternoon light streaming through the picture seems dark and forbidden, which is ridiculous, because there isn’t anything bad about it, just he and Alex in a moment that should have been mostly private, instead of being splashed across the Internet.

He skims the article, which really isn’t much, since the picture is the real hook. The only good thing about this whole mess is the fact they don’t have a great picture of Alex, or his name. It isn’t much, but he can hope it’s enough to preserve Alex’s privacy. He’s used to being in the spotlight and anonymity is at least one thing he can give Alex.

Under the picture is a link to the comments section for the article and Sidney pauses, thumb hovering above the screen. He knows he shouldn’t look at the comments. For the most part comment sections like this are full of trolls and assholes who use it to vent their ire about stupid things that in no way impact them. And this is going to be worse, because it involves him, and Alex and he knows he shouldn’t. 

But his curiosity has been piqued, and he wants to know what is being said about this. Taking a deep breath, he opens the comments and they load, scrolling down his screen. He starts at the top, and it only takes a few comments before he knows this is a mistake. Most of the comments are angry and nasty. The ones aimed at him are easy to take, because he Is used to this kind of vitriol, has been since he joined the league. 

What is worse, what makes him angry, is all the comments about Alex. How he must be a gold digger, which is hilarious because Alex has never once asked for money and is uncomfortable when Sidney spends too much on him. From there the comments get so much worse and it makes his skin prickle and he keeps scrolling, reading the comments. Each negative one aimed at Alex makes him angrier and he has no idea why he keeps reading, when it would be so much easier to stop. 

Further down there are some supportive comments, people who support him, are glad he is comfortable enough to come out and it makes him laugh. He isn’t ashamed of his relationship with Alex, and will fight anyone who suggests otherwise, but this doesn’t make him happy. His private life is his own and he hates how it has been thrown under the spotlight, made Alex a target for a bunch of assholes hiding behind a screen. 

Who he dates or chooses to share his life isn’t the business of anyone but him. And now he’s never going to be able to have his privacy back and is going to have to deal with vitriol because somehow people seem to think his private life has any bearing on their own.

“Sidney?”

Sid startles, nearly dropping his phone. He manages to catch it and he looks to where Alex is standing in the doorway, frowning. A quick glance at the clock on the wall shows it has been almost two hours since Alex went into the office to talk to his mom and he sighs. He didn’t think he had gotten so involved in reading all those comments. “Oh, hey.”

Alex’s frown deepens and he comes into the living room. He looks down at Sidney. “What you been doing Sid?”

Sidney looks down at his phone, and the dark, spiraling list of comments, so many of them terrible because the people feel safe, hidden behind usernames. Closing the window, he sets his phone screen down on the arm of the couch. Anger is coiling in the pit of his stomach and he looks at Alex.

Takes in his bright eyes and the crooked line of his nose. Thinks about his infectious gap-toothed smile and his terrible choice in clothing. How much he loves hockey and how he lights up when he coaches, regaling Sidney with tales of the kids on his team. 

The people in the comment section have no right to say anything derogatory about Alex and if Sidney thought he could manage it he would sue every person for libel. His lawyer would likely stare at him like he had grown a second head if he mentioned it, so Sidney is just going to have to settle for hating everyone who posted a negative comment. 

Which works fine for him. 

He sighs, glancing back at his phone. “I was looking at comments.” He swallows hard. “About the picture, about us.” Just thinking about it is enough to makes his anger rise and he flops back against the couch and his next words almost catch in his throat. “About you.”

Alex makes a rough sound. He moves Sidney’s phone to the table at the end of the couch, setting his own on top of it. “Sidney.”

“I know.” He hates himself for giving into the temptation to read the comments. But they had been like something terrible he couldn’t look away from and he hadn’t been able to stop, as much as he had wanted too. And he knows those comments are going to haunt him, lingering in the back of his mind, throwing him off his game and making him angry every time he thinks about them.

Shaking his head Alex reaches down and curls his fingers under Sidney’s elbow. He tugs and Sidney gives into the pressure, getting to his feet, standing close. Alex looks at him for a long moment before resting his forehead against Sidney’s, a sad smile pulling at his mouth. “No more comments Sidney. Not good.”

Sidney slides his hand under Alex’s shirt, fingers spread wide against his skin. He strokes his thumb in a slow arch, smiling when he feels muscle twitch under his touch. “I know. I won’t. I promise.”

Alex kisses him before stepping back, hand still light on his elbow. “Bed Sid. Have practice tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” He watches as Alex grabs both of their phones from the side table and he doesn’t make a move to take his. At this point it’s probably better if he doesn’t have his phone and if it disappeared it wouldn’t be bad. Everyone knows if they can’t reach him to try Alex.

He turns off the lights and follows Alex up the stairs, going into the bathroom while Alex plugs both phones in, on his side of the bed. His alarm for tomorrow morning is already set, though he’s sure he won’t need it. Like last night the prospect of sleep is far off, lost behind the dark haze of the comments and Sidney grits his teeth against the memory. 

He ducks into the bathroom, splashing cool water on his face, hoping it’ll take the edge off the heat still prickling under his skin. It doesn’t and he shakes his head, taking a deep breath as he reaches for his toothbrush.

By the time he’s done getting ready for bed his anger has settled a little, though it still hums through him and he leaves the bathroom, Alex slipping in behind him. He rolls his shoulders and changes into a T-shirt and shorts before pacing the length of the room a few times, hoping it’ll burn off some energy and help him feel a little less like he has lightning running through his veins.

The feeling recedes a little and he figures it’s the best he’s going to get for tonight.

Sidney settles into the bed on his back, eyes squeezed shut as he listens to the soft, familiar sounds of Alex in the bathroom. The light winks out and Sidney hears him crossing to the bed, a cool draft as Alex lifts the sheet and light blanket, the way the bed dips as he climbs in. 

He barely gives Alex a chance to settle before he rolls into him, arm sliding across his waist, pressing his forehead against the curve of Alex’s shoulder. This isn’t normally how they sleep, not with the fact Alex is a furnace and they have a massive bed, but right now Sidney craves the closeness. The only thing keeping him from flying apart right now is the feel of Alex under his arm, the familiar sound of his breathing.

Alex makes a sound Sidney can’t identify and then fingers are sliding up and down his back, hard enough to not be ticklish, but light enough to be soothing. He closes his eyes, pressing closer to Alex and tries not to think about the game or anything else. 

\-----

His alarm sounds and Sidney ignores it, rolling over. He shuffles closer, pressing his forehead against Alex’s back, hands tucked between them. The alarm falls silent, set to snooze for five minutes and Sidney knows he should get up and move. But like this, in the quiet he can pretend everything is okay, like his and Alex’s privacy hasn’t been destroyed, that there aren’t hundreds of nasty comments about them. 

He does doze off again, only to be jarred awake by the alarm and this time he does move. Pushing up he reaches over Alex, barely managing to reach his phone and he shuts the alarm off, feeling his partner shift below them. Sid draws back and dips his head, brushing a kiss to the sweep of Alex’s cheek. “Go back to sleep.”

Alex makes a sleepy sound, patting at the hand Sidney has braced on the bed near his chest before settling back into the bed. 

Sidney withdraws, sliding out of the bed. He scrubs a hand across his face, and heads to the bathroom. He isn’t really looking forward to practice. Oh, he wants to practice, because on the ice he’ll be able to think about the game rather than the sideshow that has become his life. 

But this will be the first time he’s seen or talked to any of his teammates since this whole thing started and he isn’t sure he’s ready for it. He loves them, he does, but sometimes they tend to be so overprotective it borders on smothering and it doesn’t always work well. Sidney doesn’t want them to do anything stupid on his behalf. He normally manages that just fine on his own. 

\-----

Jordan and Geno are waiting outside for him when he gets to the practice rink and Sidney frowns because Jordan looks like someone stole his favorite stick, shoulders rounded, eyes downcast. He stops in front of Jordan and frowns. “What is going on?”

“I’m really fucking sorry Sidney.”

Sidney’s frown deepens. He has no idea what the other man is talking about. “For?” This is the first time he’s seen anyone since the bar, and he can’t think of anything Jordan has done lately he might need to apologize for.

Holding his arms out Jordan sighs. “This whole mess. I was with you and Alex when the damn picture was taken. I should have noticed and gotten in the way or done something.”

Laughing Sidney shoves at the other man, because at this point it’s all he can do. The damage is already done and all he can do is accept it, as unhappy as that makes him and Jordan’s guilt isn’t going to help either of them. “Jordan, you were drunk and humming to yourself while we waited for the cab. I doubt you could have done much besides stay where you were.”

Jordan ducks his head, but lets Sidney push him toward the doors. “I know, but it doesn’t change the way I feel.”

Geno comes up on Sidney’s other side, hands tucked in his pockets. “How feel Sid? Sanja not tell much.”

Sidney shrugs as he yanks open the door. “As well as I can, with the fact my private life isn’t so private anymore.” He holds the door for the other two before following them in. “I’m just glad it isn’t a great picture of Alex. Maybe he’ll be able to enjoy some peace.”

Shrugging Geno looks at Sid. “I not count on it Sid. Sanja likely do something. He not sit by while you deal with all.”

A quick look at Jordan reveals he’s nodding at what Geno said and Sidney groans. “Shit, I hope he doesn’t get an idea to, I don’t know, rent a billboard.”

Turning he points at the two of them. “And neither of you give him any fucking ideas. That’s the last thing we need.”

Geno nods. “Won’t Sidney.”

Jordan snorts a laugh. “I mean, I can see the billboard. It would be kind of funny.”

“No, it wouldn’t. It would be a nightmare.” Sidney resists the urge to grind his teeth. If he hears a single mention of a billboard while Alex is around, he’s going to punish whoever says it, and he’s going to make it good.

He looks at the other two as they approach the locker room. “No more of my problems. We’re here for practice.”

Jordan looks like he wants to disagree, but Geno nudges him and he nods. “Anything you say Sid.”

Sidney rolls his eyes because he’s heard that before, and it usually isn’t true, especially when it comes from Jordan, but for right now he’ll take it.

\-----

Entering the house Sidney turns to lock the door, fingers freezing on the knob. There are voices in the kitchen, and he recognizes Alex, but the other is familiar and female. Sidney turns the lock and heads for the kitchen, freezing when he sees his mother. “Mom?”

Trina turns and smiles. “Hi Sid.”

Sidney looks at Alex, who is smiling. “Did you know?”

Alex leans back against the counter. “Not know until mama call for ride.”

Crossing the kitchen Sid hugs his mom before stepping back. “You didn’t have to come down. Or you could have let me know you were coming.”

Trina pats Sidney’s cheek, smiling. “I had to come down. I couldn’t let my boys deal with this alone. What you two need is some good homemade food and a sympathetic ear around to listen. Oh, I know your team has your back, they’re all good men, but sometimes you just need your mom around.”

Sidney laughs, because his mother always seems to know what he needs, even when she isn’t around much. “Okay. I’m grateful though, because neither of us can cook like you do.”

Alex makes a sound and grins. “I still cook better than you Sid.”

Sidney smiles. “My peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are better.” He kisses his mom on the cheek. “Thank you for coming though. I really do appreciate it. I’m going to go take a shower.”

Trina smiles. “Go. Alex and I were managing just fine without you. Dinner should be done by the time you get done.”

“Thanks.” He smiles at Alex before heading upstairs.

-

Alex is just setting the table as he enters the kitchen and Sidney crosses to the fridge. “Water?”

“Yes, please Sidney. Go ahead and sit down. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. Alex, go ahead and take a seat.” Trina smiles at them before turning back to the stove. “How was practice?”

Removing the water pitcher from the fridge Sidney crosses to the table. “Pretty typical for the last practice before a game. We should be good by tomorrow night, but this morning we looked like we had never played hockey before.”

He mock glares at Alex when he hears the other man’s snort of laughter. “What?”

Alex sits at the table, grinning in a way Sidney is familiar with. “Have you seen you play Sidney. That normal for you.”

His mom laughs and Sidney takes a seat across from Alex. “This is going to be a long season if you’re going to start that now.”

Shrugging Alex reaches over the table to pat his forearm. “Am just getting in practice.”

Sidney knocks his leg against Alex’s under the table but doesn’t say anything. Alex’s teasing has been a constant in their relationship from the beginning and now it causes warmth to pool in his stomach, though he won’t admit to it. There are some things even Alex doesn’t need to know about. 

Trina sets food on the table before taking a seat next to Sidney. “Alright. Let’s try and get through dinner without too much teasing. It tastes much better when still hot.”

Sidney rolls his eyes at Alex’s grin, because he isn’t going to let this go without a fight.

\-----

Pushing his mom in the direction of the living room Sidney raises a hand. “Don’t worry. Alex and I have been managing to do dishes without any help. You cooked and had a long flight today. We’re good.”

He doesn’t mention the fact they manage to break a plate once every few months, mostly because they start horsing around. It really isn’t important, and she’ll manage to slip past him back into the kitchen if he does. 

Trina rolls her eyes. “Fine, but don’t think you’ll be able to keep me out while I’m here. I came down here to take care of you two.”

“Mom, I wouldn’t ever dream of doing such a thing. But for tonight, go sit, relax and ignore us. We’ll be fine.”

Sidney can tell his mom doesn’t believe him, but she also doesn’t seem to want to argue because she relents.  
“Okay.”

Once Sidney is sure his mom is down on the couch, he shakes his head as he joins Alex back at the sink. “You would think we were five years old and in danger of burning down the house.”

Alex nudges him as he pulls a plate out of the soapy water. “Is mama way. Mine do same thing if she here.”

Taking the plate from Alex Sidney runs it under warm water before tucking it in the drying rack. 

By the time they finish the dishes they are both spotted with water and Sidney knows he has a big, wet hand print on the back of his shirt and the hair at the nape of his neck is damp. He accepts the towel from Alex and dries his hands before hanging it up on the towel rack to dry. “I think this is why my mom thinks we can’t manage anything alone.”

Smiling Alex backs Sidney against the counter, hands curling over the edge, pressing to his hips. “We do dishes. All that matter.”

He leans in, kissing the corner of Sid’s mouth.

Sidney turns his head, brushing his lips across Alex’s, before stepping back. “Thanks for picking my mom up. I would hate to think she would have had to take a taxi.”

Alex smiles. “I not make mama do that.”

He tugs Alex out of the kitchen, turning off the lights as they go and they enter the living room where his mom is curled in one of the big chairs, some movie on the TV. Sidney settles on the couch, Alex dropping next to him, one hand resting on his thigh. 

They spend the rest of the evening like that, Sidney watching the screen as his mom talks about people from home he barely remembers anymore. He’s pretty sure Alex is dozing off against him, the hand on his thigh heavy and warm. 

Sidney startles at a light touch to his cheek and he opens his eyes to find his mom standing over them, a fond smile on her face. He scrubs a hand across his face. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry Sid. I would have been surprised if you had stayed awake.” Trina leans in and kisses his cheek before standing up. “You two don’t stay up too much longer. I’m heading to bed.”

Nodding Sidney pushes his elbow into Alex’s side. “Night mom.”

Alex makes a sound. “Night mama.”

With a laugh Sidney jostles his shoulder when he feels Alex’s head drop down. “Come on. How can you be so tired? You were at home all day.”

Turning his head Alex drags his nose along the line of Sidney’s jaw. “Worry about you and pick mama up from airport. Was very stressful day.”

“Okay.” Sidney knows he’s grinning like an idiot, at the thought of Alex worrying about him but he doesn’t care. He hopes he never gets used to the feeling. “Up. Some of us actually did productive things and could use some sleep.”

Alex stands, turning to offer Sid his hand. “Funny Sid.”

Sidney smiles, letting Alex pull him to his feet before he steps in to kiss him. “I thought so.”

\----

Sidney adjusts his tie and grabs his suit jacket before heading downstairs. His mom and Alex are already on the couch and he rolls his eyes. “Do either of you want to come to the game?”

Trina shakes her head while Alex grins. “No. Alex and I will enjoy the game from here. I’ve been told there is much popcorn throwing and yelling when he watches games.”

After five years together, Sidney can attest to the popcorn thing, because no matter how well they clean, they always seem to find more popcorn. He’s half convinced it has started breeding under the couch, but he isn’t going to say it. “Yeah. He seems to enjoy himself.”

Grinning Alex holds out the bowl. “Sid?”

“No thanks. Just don’t get it everywhere.”

Alex grins, settling the bowl back on the space between he and Trina. “Good luck Sid. Tell others.”

Sidney nods. “I will. I’ll see you both when I get back.”

Turning Sidney heads for the front door and grabs his keys off the hook as he slips his shoes on. He rolls his shoulders, thinking about the upcoming game.

\-----

Reaching under his jersey Sidney tugs at one of the straps on his chest guard. It feels better and he rolls his shoulders, settling it further. They only have a few more minutes before they head out for warmups and he looks around the locker room. Everyone looks as relaxed as they can be for the opening game of the season at home and Sidney stands. 

He normally doesn’t feel the need for speeches before the first few games of the season, but this is something he needs to say. “Guys.”

Everyone turns to look at him and he shifts. He doesn’t mind the scrutiny at other times, when they’re looking toward him as the team captain, but this is a little different, because this is his personal life. Yes, they all know about Alex, and have from the beginning, but it doesn’t make this any more comfortable for Sidney. He has always tried to keep his private life private and it still feels odd to be talking so openly about it. 

“All I want to say is, please, don’t do anything stupid tonight.” He looks at Geno and Jordan, since they usually seem to be the two who take the most offense when the other teams target him. “I’m expecting some blow back from the thing with Alex and the last thing we need to do in the first game of the season is a bunch of stupid penalties.”

Most of the team nods at him but he turns to glare at Geno who is just looking at him. “Understand?”

Geno meets his gaze for a moment before looking away. “Yes Sid.”

Sidney isn’t stupid enough to believe Geno is going to hold to his promise if he does take too many hits, but at least it’s something. “Alright.”

Everyone stands and they head out of the locker room. Sidney follows behind, doing his best to get in the right mindset for the game. It normally isn’t this hard, but then, he usually doesn’t have to deal with the looming shadow of his outing to the public. That would be enough to make anyone feel on edge and he does, but he’s also gotten good at compartmentalizing.

Right now, all that matters is the game. It’ll give him something else to think about and maybe afterward he’ll be tired enough to not think.

The moment he hits the ice Sidney hears boos, though it feels somewhat muted. He is sure a lot of it has to do with the number of still empty seats around the arena, as people get their last-minute snacks before the game starts. Once the seats are full the boos are likely to be deafening, and he is just going to have to roll with it. Boos from the crowds have been a normal thing since he joined the league, people who hate him and he knows it isn’t just fans from other teams.

He can feel Geno next to him and he looks over. Geno gives him a tight smile and Sidney can only hope Geno remembers his promise, because the last thing they want to do is start the season with a dozen penalties.

\-----

As they head to the locker room for the second intermission Sidney rolls his shoulders, though it doesn’t do anything to ease the tension he’s feeling. The first two periods had gone well, with them up three goals to the Sabres’ one and they had been connecting on the ice, like this wasn’t the first game of the season. But every time he had set foot on the ice the boos had seemed to increase, and it had felt like a tag was stuck in his undershirt, jabbing into him with every move.

Geno and Jordan have been shooting him increasingly worried looks as the game has dragged on, which Sidney has been doing his best to ignore. This is his problem and the last thing he wants is for the others to get more involved than they already are. He’s just glad no one has tried anything, and they haven’t taken any stupid penalties on his account.

\-----

The last thing Sid wants to do is deal with the press and answer questions about the game. Sweat is starting to dry on his body, between his shoulders itch and he feels off balance despite the fact they managed to win. He knows the reporters will stick to questions about the game, have to if they don’t want to lose privileges, but under each question is going to be another, the ones about his private life and it makes Sidney want to scream. 

By the time the press has finally cleared out Sidney feels like he’s ground his molars to dust and he feels like he should get a prize for managing to stay civil. It had helped that Geno and Jordan had lingered behind, like wary guardians and he appreciates it. 

He showers and changes, surprised to see both are still sitting in the locker room, messing around on their phones. “I didn’t expect you two to stay all night.”

Jordan shrugs as he stands and slips his phone into pocket. “Nothing better to do. And you look like the last thing you need right now is to be alone, even if it’s just to walk to your car.”

Sidney shakes his head but doesn’t say anything. There are still days Jordan and Geno surprise him with how emotionally facile they can be, especially when it comes to him. He can’t explain the way he feels, like he’s still on edge, but he appreciates the offer. “Thanks.”

They head outside, to the mostly empty parking lot and the cool night air feels good against his face. Even with the steady presence of the other two he still feels tight and unbalanced, a feeling that if he’s lucky, will go away when he gets home.

He waves as he gets in the car and he turns up the radio, hoping it’ll be enough to drown out his swirling thoughts, about the game and what had happened. It doesn’t and it coils uncomfortable in his chest and Sidney clutches tight at the steering wheel, until his knuckles begin to ache.

The light is still on outside and Sidney can see the flash of the TV in the living room, which likely means Alex is up, which he’s glad for. He isn’t sure why, but he feels oddly dragged out by the game despite the fact they beat the Sabres and he’s hoping Alex will have something. 

Unlocking the door, he slips inside and turns off the outside light before kicking his shoes into the closet. His tie is already half undone and he removes it the rest of the way as he enters the living room. Alex is on the couch, the empty bowl on the table and he’s watching highlights from the few other games from tonight. “Hey.”

Alex smiles softly at him and pats the couch. “Hi. Was okay game Sid.”

“Yeah.” Sidney drops onto the couch. He had an assist and he knows he shouldn’t really be expecting more. This was only the first game of the season and they won. Once he’s back in the groove he’ll be more productive and maybe they’ll be able to make a good run towards the Cup this year. But right now, with the first game behind him, he feels worn. 

Alex leans over and kisses Sidney’s temple. “Mama went to bed after game. She want me to tell you was good game.”

Sidney shifts, leaning into the other man. “Thanks.” Alex’s arm slides around his shoulder and he turns, pressing his face against Alex’s throat. Like this, with the other man warm against him he can almost believe he imagined the sharp edge to the boos tonight, every time he was on the ice. Almost, but at the same time he knows they were aimed at him. And not just because of who he is, but because he’s been outed. There are enough homophobes around to make themselves known but add in the people who just don’t like him, and it made for a long night.

He takes a few deep breaths and slides his hand across Alex’s stomach, turning more fully to face him. In a few games, once everyone has had the chance to process the fact he is in a relationship with a man, things will settle, or so he wants to believe. He’ll get to prove it doesn’t change anything about him, that everyone can keep hating him because he isn’t going to let what they think change who or what he is.

It would be so easy to fall asleep like this, curled against Alex but Sidney knows they’ll both regret it come morning if they do. With a sigh he pulls back, missing the warmth of Alex’s arm as it slides from him. “Come on. I don’t think either of us is up for spending all night on the couch.” He stands, stepping back to give him room to stand. 

Alex groans but gets to his feet. He stretches and yawns. “Not first time stay on couch all night.”

“Usually only when I’m injured.” He has weathered a few concussions on the couch, with Alex’s fingers gently rubbing at his scalp. 

Sidney turns, but Alex catches his wrist, drawing him in and he lets it happen, until they’re standing chest to chest. Even in the half light from the TV Alex’s eyes are burning bright and Sidney can see all the emotion neither of them have ever given voice to, though he’s never thought Alex felt any other way about him. 

The warmth is enough to ease the tension in his shoulders and he closes the space between them, catching Alex’s mouth in a kiss. Alex’s hand settles on his lower back, pressing and Sidney takes the hint, stepping into him and they stay like that for long moments, exchanging slow kisses. 

Sudden exhaustion catches Sidney and he draws away, stepping back to put a bit of space between them. “Bed, now.”

He pulls away from Alex, smiling as he catches the faint grumble from the other man and the room is plunged into darkness as he turns off the TV and light. 

They make their way upstairs in the darkness with the ease of long practice and Sidney strips in the half-darkness of their room even as Alex slips into the bathroom. They change places, Alex’s hand brushing across his side and Sidney makes his time in the bathroom quick. 

Alex is already in bed and Sidney slides in, settling close enough he can feel the easy rise and fall of his partner’s chest and he reaches over, fingers resting lightly on the swell of Alex’s bicep. 

It doesn’t take long before he falls asleep. 

\-----

The sound of his alarm going off jars Sidney awake, and he groans. It takes him a moment of mad flailing to shut it off and when he does, he rolls over and presses back against Alex, sliding his feet between Alex’s calves. The last thing he wants to do is get out of bed, but they have the video review this morning and he really should spend some time at the gym. He presses a kiss to Alex’s shoulder, which gets him a mumbled sound and then he slips from the bed. 

After a quick shower he feels a little better and he heads downstairs, to the smell of breakfast. He slips into the kitchen, where of course his mom has breakfast already done. “Mom, you really didn’t have to. You’re here as a guest.”

Trina turns, stabbing the spatula in his direction. “I’m here to take care of my boys when they need it, and I know you have to go for review, so eat your breakfast.”

Sidney knows when to beat a retreat, especially when a spatula is aimed at him, so he backs down. “Thanks."

Smiling she sets a plate in front of him. “You’re welcome. Any sign of Alex?”

As he pokes at his eggs Sidney can’t help but wonder if it will ever stop being awkward talking to his mom about his relationship with Alex. She’s known from the beginning, but it still feels weird to talk to her about it, which after this long, he should really be over any embarrassment. “He might have been awake when I got out of bed, but I’m not entirely sure.”

Trina shrugs as she sits down across from him. “Oh well, I can make breakfast just as easily later.” She pins him with a look. “How was the game last night?”

Stabbing another piece of egg Sidney glances at his mom and from the set of her face, can tell what she’s really asking about. She doesn’t care about the mechanics of the game, but how he had dealt with it, the fact this was his first game since the article, since his outing. He sighs. After going over it with Alex the last thing he wants is to rehash it, but he knows his mom isn’t going to be happy unless they talk about it. 

“Okay. There was a lot of booing.” Even thinking about it is enough to make his skin crawl and the feeling from last night is back but this time he isn’t going to get a chance to have Alex chase the feeling away. He’s going to have to go to the video review feeling like this and it is going to be painful. 

Looking down at this plate he moves the food around, not wanting to meet his mom’s shrewd gaze. “I know some of it was probably aimed at all of us, from the Sabres’ fans, but it felt personal.” He shakes his head. “I know it shouldn’t, but I couldn’t help it.”

Trina makes a soft sound, resting her hand over his on the table. “Sidney, you’ve always felt criticism more than anyone else I’ve ever known. You probably weren’t imagining it last night, but the last thing you have to do is let it define the way you live your life. You and Alex have been together for years and obviously care for each other. What those assholes think about you two, is their problem and not yours.”

She squeezes his hand, smiling. “Just keep showing them what Sidney Crosby can do and remember Alex is here and proud of you. The rest of them can fuck off.”

Hearing his mom curse startles a laugh out of him and Sidney stabs at his plate, his appetite suddenly restored. “Thanks mom.”

“That’s what moms are for.” Trina pats his hand one last time before standing. “I saw you and Alex have groceries, but I’m going to get some more. I think you two deserve something nice after this.”

This is another thing Sidney knows he isn’t going to win so he just nods and starts eating. 

\-----

Sidney drops into a chair, not surprised that he’s the first one here. The others always take their time getting to the video review, which is fine. It gives him chance to think and breath and try and find his center of calm that feels like it’s been missing the last few days. A few minutes later Geno comes in and he flops in the chair next to him, close enough their shoulders brush. “Hey.”

Geno gives him a lopsided smile. “Hi Sid. Okay?”

“Yeah.” Sidney leans back in the chair, not pulling away from Geno’s closeness. It isn’t anything like having Alex close, but right now he’ll take any support he can get.

The others slowly file in and Jordan drops into the chair on his other side, pressing close like Geno is, and Sidney is suddenly suspicious, because this isn’t like either of them. He looks between the two of them and both are trying to look innocent and failing miserably. “Did Alex put you two up to this?”

Jordan quickly looks away, but Geno meets his gaze and Sidney sighs. “Of course.” He appreciates the gesture and he knows Alex is looking out for him and at this point he doesn’t have the energy to argue. “Just don’t elbow me.”

They both nod and settle back in their seats as the lights go off and Sidney rolls his shoulders. 

\-----

When he gets home Sidney can’t help but notice Alex’s car is gone and he parks, jogging up to the house. The TV is on when he gets inside but Alex is nowhere to be found and when he hears the shower he heads upstairs. By the time he gets to the room the shower is off and Alex comes out, half dressed in a pair of slacks and he frowns. “Where are you headed off to?”

Alex grabs a blue shirt from the closet and shrugs it on, fingers deftly working the buttons through the holes. “Have meeting with Rob. Mama has my car, I take yours?”

It takes Sidney a minute to figure out what Alex is talking about and his heart gives an uncomfortable lurch in his chest. This is what he’s been mostly worried about, how this whole mess is going to affect Alex. In the last two years he’s become entrenched in the youth hockey league he works for, not only coaching during hockey season, but also in outreach programs and hockey camps during the offseason. 

The kids in the league love Alex and every year it seems like more and more kids request to be on his team. He can only hope everything is going to be okay, because Alex loves the kids, loves coaching and Sidney knows there isn’t going to be anything he can do to make things right if they decide to fire him. Maybe legally, but he won’t do anything unless Alex asked him to.

Sidney nods as he watches Alex quickly finish dressing. “Yeah. Did Rob say what it was about?”

Throwing a tie around his neck Alex quickly knots it off before tucking it under the collar. “No. Did not sound bad Sidney.” He slips he shoes on and ties the laces before crossing to Sidney. Cupping his face, he leans in, brushing a kiss across his mouth. “Be back soon.”

“Okay.” Sidney watches as Alex strides out of the room, feeling a little like an idiot. He should have been able to come up with something better, more reassuring but his throat feels tight. Sitting on the edge of the bed he waits for the sound of the front door opening and closing. Only then does he manage to make his way into the bathroom for his own shower.

But all the shower does is give him uninterrupted time to think and he can’t help but think the worst, which is irritating. It seems to have become his normal thought process since the picture was first released to the public and he hates it. He shouldn’t have to be spending all his time like this, worrying about what might happen. 

Focusing on the feel of the water beating on his shoulders Sidney forces himself to take his time. The more time he can waste in the shower, the less he’s going to spend wandering around the house, checking the clock as he waits for Alex to come back. It finally gets to the point where he can’t linger any longer and he gets out of the shower. 

He quickly dries off and dresses, jaw clenching when a quick look at the clock reveals he was only in the shower for maybe ten minutes, which leaves him with plenty of time to worry and pace and drive himself crazy wondering what is happening at Alex’s meeting.

At the bottom of the stairs Sidney stops, looking around, not sure what to do. Normally he would find some little thing he could clean or do to help Alex out, but with his mom visiting, the place is spotless despite his protests she doesn’t have to help them keep house. Feeling aimless he wanders into the kitchen and pulls the fridge open, though nothing is appealing despite the fact breakfast was hours ago. 

His stomach feels like a giant knot and he wanders towards the backyard before deciding on the living room. If he gets lucky maybe he’ll be able to watch highlights and not worry about something he can’t control.

Sidney has just barely made it into the living room when he hears a car pull into the driveway and he peers out the window. His mother is busy unloading the car and he slips a pair of shoes on before hurrying out to help her. Reaching her side Sidney grabs a couple of bags. “I didn’t think you meant you were going to buy the whole store.”

Trina shrugs as she hands him a few more bags. “I kept seeing things I thought I would need. I figured while I was here, I might as well make some stuff for Alex to make while you’re on the road. He must get tired of cooking for himself when you’re gone.”

“Probably.” There are a lot more take out menus in the house than there used to be, and a lot of them are worn, with folded corners and faded spots in the print. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate it, but you really don’t have to spoil us.”

Pausing at the top of the stairs Trina looks at him. “You two are going to be heading into what will undoubtedly be a rough patch. I’m going to help, and I’m sure Tatyana would agree, if she was here too.”

Sidney doesn’t say anything else as he follows his mom into the house. She had come down for a brief stay when Tatyana had visited and they had become best friends in mere seconds, much to his and Alex’s horror. 

“Speaking of Alex, where is he?”

Arranging the bags on the counter Sidney starts digging through them so he doesn’t have to look at her. He had been trying not to think about how Alex’s meeting was going, since he couldn’t seem to think anything positive about it. “He had to go to a meeting with his supervisor with the league. I’m sure it has something to do with the picture.”

Trina glances at him before going back to her own bag of groceries. “Everything will be fine Sidney. They would be stupid to do anything about it. Especially currently. From everything you said everyone Alex works with and all the kids love him. It would probably cause more problems to fire him than to keep him around.”

She smiles. “Besides, a hockey league with Sidney Crosby’s partner as a coach. People are going to be lining up.”

Sidney makes a derisive sound as he puts the eggs in the fridge. “That shouldn’t have shit to do with it. If any of them took any time to find out about Alex, they would know he was-is great. If his knee hadn’t been destroyed-”

He trails off, swallowing against the sudden lump in his throat. A huge part of him will always regret the fact Alex never got a chance to play in the NHL, to show the world what he could do. But a much smaller part of him, dark and needy is okay with it, because it means Alex is here, with him and Sidney can’t imagine not having him here.

Shaking his head Sidney finishes putting the groceries away and collects all the bags, taking the ones from his mom. “I’m going to go, do something.”

Trina smiles, like she knows he isn’t going to be able to settle until Alex gets home. “I’ll be in here if you need anything.”

Sidney nods and wanders into the living room, though he doesn’t sit down. Apprehension is still singing through his veins and despite the fact his mom was probably right, it would be a legal nightmare to fire Alex for their relationship, he can’t help it. This is just another incident of the fact he can’t stop thinking the worst. 

Scrubbing a hand across his face he wanders to the window and back. He glances at the TV and gives a passing thought to turning it on before shaking his head. Staring at the TV isn’t going to do anything for his worry, and he rubs his hands together before padding to the window.

He glances back towards the kitchen, with the vague idea he could help his mom, but he doesn’t. With as distracted as he’s feeling he might manage to cut his finger off. Or, more likely she would just kick him out to keep him from being underfoot. 

The sound of a car door slamming catches his attention and he hurries to the front door, yanking it open. 

Alex is only halfway up the sidewalk and he grins when he sees Sidney, eyes bright, his hands full of paper, lined, creased and folded. “Hi Sidney.”

“Hey.” Sidney steps back to let Alex into the house, gaze going to the papers crumpled in Alex’s hands. “How did the meeting go?”

Leaning in Alex kisses him, freeing one hand from the papers to glide across his side. He pulls back. “Was fine Sid. Rob say everything okay.” 

He holds up the papers. “Are from kids. All very happy. Some even mention you.” He nudges Sidney. “They think you okay.”

Sidney shrugs and smiles, feeling the knot in his stomach loosen. “I guess I’ll just take that as a win.”

Alex grins. “I put in office until find better spot.”

“That works.” All their important documents are kept in the office and Sidney isn’t going to deny those letters a place there. Despite the crooked writing those are tangible proof the kids don’t care about who Alex sleeps with, that they understand his rare skill on the ice, what he can teach them.

He follows Alex to the office, watching as he tucks the letters in the top drawer of the small filing cabinet against the wall. From there Sid trails Alex upstairs, words caught in his throat. He isn’t sure what he wants, though he knows Alex is part of it, and he can only hope his partner can figure it out. 

Nudging the door closed Sidney turns to find Alex watching him with a bemused look and he feels heat stain his cheeks. “I-”

His words die as Alex closes the distance between them, hands coming up to cup his face. He leans into Alex, tilting his head back and Alex kisses him, languid and easy. Pressing closer to the big body he curls his fingers into Alex’s shirt, tugging until it comes untucked. He slides a hand under the fabric, feeling warm skin under his fingers and arousal pools in his stomach.

Alex turns them, pushing him towards the bed and Sidney slowly backs up, falling when he feels the bed behind him. He wiggles further up, settling back as he watches Alex strip before climbing onto the bed, settling between his legs. 

Sidney curls his hands around Alex’s biceps, drawing him down. 

\-----

His mother stays for two weeks and Sidney carries her bag into the airport, listening to her talk. She’s listing everything she left for them and he’s sure all of this is written down at home somewhere, as well as cooking instructions for everything. They reach the last security point and Sidney sets her bag down. “Thanks for coming mom. Alex and I both really appreciate it.”

Trina smiles, reaching up to pat his cheek. “Sidney, honey, you couldn’t have kept me away.” She kisses him on the cheek. “Promise you’ll let me know if you need anything?”

“I will. You better get going if you want to get through the security checkpoint in a timely manner.”

Pulling a face Trina picks her bag up. “How could I have forgotten. Let me know if anything changes or if you want me to come back.”

It was good to have her around, but Sidney doubts they’ll have his mom back anytime soon. They’ve both become so used to just having the two of them around the house there had almost been a few unfortunate slip ups. “We will.”

Drawing his hat down he waves at his mom a last time before heading back toward the doors and where he parked. A quick look at the clock in the car shows it is still early enough that he can head back home and get a few hours of sleep before practice later today. 

Which is something he is looking forward to, with the way Alex was clinging to him, half-awake this morning as he slipped from the bed. 

Sidney gets home and kicks his shoes off, locking the door as he heads upstairs. Alex is in the middle of the bed and he lifts the blankets, sliding in. Planting a hand against Alex’s back Sidney shoves gently. “Come on. I was gone for a little over an hour.”

Alex makes a sleepy sound and shifts, rolling to face Sidney, his eyes half open. “Mama okay?”

Sidney nods, tucking his body against Alex, hand sliding up under the worn shirt to spread across Alex’s side. “Headed home.” He presses his mouth to the underside of his partner’s jaw and drifts to sleep.

\-----

Tucking his last suit into the bag Sidney look at Alex. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

Alex laughs. “Will be fine Sidney. Is not first-time home alone on road trip.” His humor falls away and he frowns as he takes a step closer to him. “Sid?”

A flush of embarrassment heats his cheeks and Sidney ducks his head. “Fuck, I don’t know.” He didn’t even feel this bad about leaving on road trips when Alex had first come over, but everything is different now. It isn’t just the fact he’s gotten so used to sharing a bed that road trips are almost a shock now, having a big bed to himself.

Most of it is the fact he still feels worked up about the picture and the surrounding fallout. Short of the few quick trips to the closer teams he hasn’t been away from the house or Alex since this whole thing started weeks ago and it is making him uneasy. Here with Alex is the only place everything has felt safe and normal and he’s going to miss being able to come back to it.

Alex closes the distance between them, hands coming up to rest on his shoulders and Sidney leans into him, forehead on his shoulder. He takes a few deep breaths, focusing on the feel of Alex, the strong fingers resting on him, thumbs sweeping slow arcs against his collarbones he can feel even through his suit jacket. 

The gentle touch helps, lets him focus and he knows Alex will be okay while he’s gone. That he’ll be able to manage because he is strong and even with the distance between them, he knows it’ll be like Alex is with him. 

He reluctantly pulls back, knowing he needs to get going. “I’ll text you when we get to Vancouver.”

With a nod Alex cradles his chin with one hand, brushing a kiss across his mouth before dropping his hand. “Show them how good Sidney Crosby is.”

Picking up his bag as well as the garment bag Sidney manages a smile. He’s glad Alex is so sure of his abilities, because right now he isn’t. “Thanks. I’ll see you when I get back.”

\-----

Sidney goes to the boards, stick reaching for the puck when someone slams into him, pinning him. A stick slides into his line of sight and he tips his, keeping the blade away from the puck.

In retaliation the person behind him shoves him harder into the boards, pinning him with his weight. “Hey faggot, I always knew you looked like a cocksucker. I bet your boyfriend likes having you on your knees when you make it home.”

Heat sweeps through Sidney, hot and sharp and so different from the feeling of a hard shift. Anger wells and he jerks his shoulders back, managing to wiggle away and he knocks the puck towards the net before turning. Whoever had him pinned is already back in the middle of the play and he’s barely aware of the whistle. He has no idea who pinned him, but he’s going to figure out who, as he skates towards the clump of Vancouver players.

Geno intercepts him, a strong hand on his forearm and he lets the other man shove him toward the bench. He hops over the boards and sits on the bench, Geno leaning into him and Sidney edges away, stopping Geno with a glare. “Don’t.”

The warning in his voice is clear and Geno sits back, face blank but Sidney can feel the way he’s watching him, and he leans forward, gaze on the ice. 

\------

Sidney is on edge for the rest of the game. Every time someone comes up behind him while he’s against the boards he half expects to hear that voice again, the terrible words and it wreaks havoc on his balance. He can’t seem to make anything work and they end up losing, by a single goal they should have scored on any one of the shots they had in the last period.

The others are subdued as they head back to the locker room and Sidney can’t help but feel their eyes on him. Logically he knows none of them are blaming him for the fact they lost, as the whole team had felt off tonight, passes not connecting, though they had managed to take any stupid penalties. More likely, they’re worried about the fact he was off, and he’s sure they all noticed it towards the end of the first period, but no one can pin when it happened.

Geno and Jordan have been shooting him worried looks and he can almost feel their questions, knows they’ll try to ask him what happened, and he doesn’t want to answer. Isn’t sure he’ll be able to get the words out, and just thinking about them is enough to make his throat close.  
The most he can do is try to avoid them for now and hope they’ll take the hint. 

\-----

Sidney flops back on the bed and stares at the ceiling. It’s textured and white, could be anyone of thousands he has stared at and slept beneath since he joined the league and with an angry huff he rolls over, pressing his face into the pillow. They aren’t flying to Edmonton until tomorrow morning, so he knows some of the guys are planning on going out. Out of courtesy they always stop by his room and ask, even though he maybe only ever goes out once a road trip. 

It isn’t long before someone knocks on the door and Jordan’s voice comes through. “Hey Sid, we’re going, if you want to come.”

He doesn’t move on the bed, face half pressed against the pillow. Anger is still hot in his stomach and he knows if he goes out, he’s going to be terrible company. Add in the fact he still feels off kilter and upset from what had happened during the game and the last thing he wants is to inflict himself on his teammates when he feels like this.

“Sid?” Geno this time and Sidney drags the other pillow over his head.

His phone goes off where he has it plugged in and he ignores it. More than likely the text is either from Geno or Jordan to reach out to him, since he’ll usually at least answer the door when someone knocks. 

From outside his room Sidney hears a muttered conversation and the voices move off, leaving him alone. Taking a deep breath, he squeezes his eyes shut. From the moment he saw the picture he had known none of this was going to be easy. The first few games of the season had been straight forward, easy enough but he knows it’s only going to get worse. 

There are assholes on every team who are going to try and use Alex against him and he’s going to need to find a place where it doesn’t bother him. He doesn’t want to be a liability for his team and if anyone on other teams catches wind of this, they’ll use it to their advantage.

He glances at the clock and he wants to call Alex, but with the time difference between here and Pittsburgh his partner is likely asleep. And he isn’t so self-centered as to wake Alex when he’s having a rough night.

His phone rings and this time he does move, reaching for it. He can ignore phone calls and texts from Geno and Jordan, as they half expect it, but he’s never ignored a call from Alex. Sure enough Alex’s name comes across the screen and he answers the call, sitting up to lean back against the headboard. “Hey.”

“Hi Sidney.”

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, feeling the knot in his chest loosen slightly. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

“Nap little during intermissions. Waiting to see if you call.”

Sidney balls his hand in the comforter, squeezing until his fingers ache. “I thought about it, but I’m not very good company right now. Did Geno tell you?”

There’s a huff from Alex. “No. I see game Sidney. I tell something wrong.”

Uncurling his fingers from the comforter Sidney smooths the fabric out and his laugh is harsh. “That’s one way of putting it.” Even now he can still hear the words bouncing around his head and he swallows, because he doesn’t want to be hearing those words as he falls asleep. He still feels wound up from the game, not on adrenaline but on anger and disgust and those are so much worse. They’ll keep him up half the night, leaving him a snapping, frustrated mess tomorrow.

“Want to tell?”

The words are on the tip of tongue and he shakes his head. He doesn’t want to be responsible for ruining Alex’s night and he’ll be able to deal with it for a little longer. “No. I mean, I’ll tell you when I get home, but I don’t think it should be done over the phone.”

Sidney can imagine the way Alex’s eyes are narrowed, the shape of his frown as he thinks about his request and warmth pools in Sidney’s chest, in direct contrast to the ice still in his stomach. “But will you do me a favor?”

“Yes Sid.”

Shifting Sidney slides back down in the bed. He knows he should get ready for bed, but now that he has Alex on the phone the last thing he wants to do is move. After this long it has become second nature to turn to Alex after terrible games and this time isn’t any different, is perhaps more important because of the circumstances. He manages to pull the comforter over him. “Would you just talk? I don’t care about what. Fuck, it doesn’t even have to be English, I just need to not think about the game.”

“Okay Sidney. First time I skate.”

Sidney is pretty sure he’s heard this story before, but it doesn’t matter. All he wants is to listen to Alex, the rise and fall of his words, the familiar voice that has been with him for so long now. He closes his eyes and focuses on Alex, hoping it will be enough to blot out the ugly words from the game. 

\-----

Sidney scrubs a hand across his face and looks at his phone. It’s on the pillow next to him and he unlocks the screen. There is a text from Alex, and he opens it, noticing the time stamp of 2am, which meant it had been 5 am for Alex and Sidney groans, feeling selfish. He hadn’t realized how late it was when he had been talking to Alex, and it’s likely he fell asleep before receiving the text.

_Good night Sidney._

Sitting up Sidney tosses his phone aside without responding to the text. Alex is probably asleep, and he doesn’t want to wake him up. 

After a shower he feels more like himself and Sidney quickly packs his bag, knowing they’re going to be expected downstairs in short order.

He nearly runs into Geno as he exits his room and Sidney manages a tired smile. “Hey. You look like you had a rough night.”

Geno nods before raking a gaze over him. “You not look so good.”

He can hear the question in Geno’s words, and he shakes his head as they start toward the elevator. “Yesterday was rough. I spent some time on the phone with Alex.”

That makes Geno smile and Sidney rolls his eyes, though he can’t help but be amused by his friend’s reaction. After all this was Geno’s idea, and Sidney doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to thank him enough for this, for bringing Alex into his life, but he’ll find some way to try. “You aren’t all hungover, are you?”

Geno pushes the call button for the elevator. “No. Mostly just sad, looking into drinks.” He glances at Sid. “Sure okay? You seem off most of game.”

The doors to the elevator open and Sidney steps in, pressing the button for the lobby as Geno follows him in. “It wasn’t a big deal. I’ll be fine by the time we play in Edmonton.”

In return he gets a skeptical look, but Sidney ignores it. If he didn’t tell Alex what happened, he sure as hell isn’t going to tell Geno. The last thing he needs is for Geno to get angry and take it  
out on someone who wasn’t involved.

\-----

By the time they take the ice in Edmonton Sidney feels like he has a knot between his shoulder blades no amount of stretching is going to get rid of. He knows the chance of a repeat from Vancouver is slim, but now that he knows it might happen, he can’t shake the feeling of unease trickling under his skin. 

Geno glances at him and Sidney manages a tight nod. “I’m good.”

He can tell his friend doesn’t believe him and he can’t really say he believes it either. Every time someone comes after him, he’s going to wonder if it’s because they see him as a target, someone to take out before he manages to score. Or if their motivation is darker, to try and harass him into breaking. 

Sidney squares his shoulders, hand tight around his stick. He hasn’t broken yet and sure as hell isn’t going to give anyone the pleasure.

\-----

Sidney doesn’t think he’s ever been so glad to see Pittsburgh unrolling under the plane and he closes his eyes. Edmonton and Calgary had both passed without incident and they had managed to win both games, though Calgary had been close. Now they have three days before the next game and short of practice and the review of the last three games, he isn’t planning on leaving the house. He feels like he’s going to need the time just to center himself, to get things back to normal. 

The plane lands without incident and Sidney grabs his bag, heading for the front. The others have been giving him space, which he’s been grateful for. These men are his closest friends and they mean the world to him, but the last thing he wants to do is burden them with what is going on. If he had mentioned what happened during the Vancouver game, Geno and Jordan likely would have tried to take on the entire team, which is the last thing they needed. 

He makes it down the stairs, not surprised when Geno is the first to catch up with him, Jordan a half step behind. They flank him as they head towards where they parked, and he waves at them as he pulls out of the parking lot and heads home. 

It’s early enough in the morning he isn’t sure whether Alex will be up, and Sidney kicks his shoes off, adjusting his grip on his bag as he does. He’s almost to the stairs when Alex appears from the kitchen, clad in worn T-shirt and sweatpants that have seen better days. Even with the distance between them he can almost feel the question Alex wants to ask, about Vancouver.

He manages a smile, though he can tell from the flicker of worry across Alex’s face it isn’t a believable smile. “Hi.”

“Hello Sidney.” Alex cants his head to the side, gaze sweeping over him and he frowns.

Sidney knows the look well and he wards off any questions with a raised hand. “I’m gross from the plane and I need a nap. We’ll talk later.” The end of later seems to catch in his throat and he swallows hard. He’s been trying not to think about the game and now he can’t help but hear the words again, low and ugly.

Alex nods. “Is okay Sid. I be here when ready.”

He disappears back into the kitchen and Sidney can only give a dumb nod before heading upstairs. This is one of the things he cherishes about Alex, the way the other man knows when to give him space, even if he can’t come out and say the words.

Their room is immaculate for a change and Sidney tosses his bag in the corner, to deal with when he has the energy. He strips and tosses everything in the hamper before entering the shower, turning the hot water on so the bathroom fills with steam. 

The water is hot enough to make his skin prickle and Sidney turns his back to the shower head. He doesn’t stay in the shower long, just enough to wash the stale feeling from his skin and leave his thoughts whirling. He pulls on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, flopping into the bed. The sheets are clean, and he pulls the blanket up around his shoulders rolling over to face Alex’s side of the bed.

\-----

By the time Sidney finally wakes up its almost noon and he goes downstairs, a pang of hunger pulling him in the direction of the kitchen. Alex isn’t there and Sidney opens the fridge, smiling when he sees an apple, a few sandwiches and a bottle of water on the middle shelf. 

He quickly eats, putting the plate in the dishwasher before going to find Alex. Which isn’t that hard, since he’s sprawled on the couch, some weird movie playing on the TV. Sidney frowns. “What the hell is this?”

Shrugging Alex sits up. “No idea. Not pay attention.”

His gaze settles on him and Sidney shifts under the scrutiny before he crosses to the couch. He sits down, not quite close enough to touch, hands curled into loose fists on his thighs. This isn’t something he ever imagined having to talk about and he isn’t sure how to start.

He can feel the weight of Alex’s gaze on him, the way the big body is leaning toward him, showing support without touching and he’s grateful for it. Right now, he doesn’t think he would be able to speak if Alex was touching him. He sighs, glancing at Alex before looking away. “In Vancouver. I don’t know who the fuck it was, but when they slammed me against the boards.”

He curls his fingers tighter, nails pressing into skin. “He called me a faggot and a cocksucker.” Anger blooms in the pit of his stomach and he takes a deep breath. Vancouver is in the past and there is no reason to dwell on it, but he’s never been good at letting things go. Even now, five years later he still feels guilty about driving Alex away and he still doesn’t feel like he’s made up for it. 

Alex makes an angry sound and he looks up, surprised at the dark look on his partner’s face. He can’t ever recall seeing Alex look so angry and he would hate to be on the receiving end of such a look. 

He shakes his head. “I don’t know why it bothered me so much. It isn’t like it isn’t true.” Likely it was the shock. Despite his relationship with Alex, the years of it, he’s never really thought much about names like that, simply because he hates labels.

Alex shifts closer and catches his hands, squeezing. “Is not true. You Sidney Crosby. Is all that matter.”

Sidney manages a harsh laugh because he really wishes it was so simple. It should be, but he’s always had the weight of others’ expectations on himself, and his own and there are times they’ve won out, leaving him to climb out from under the crushing weight. “I wish it was that easy.”

One of Alex’s hands slides up his arm, resting on his shoulder, thumb stroking the underside of his jaw. “Not be easy Sidney. People think different because you with me. Have to show them you still what they know.”

Alex’s face is serious, and Sidney manages a tight nod. It was essentially the same thing his mom had told him when she was here, and he takes a deep breath. He leans into Alex, feeling the hand on his shoulder slide around, fingers stroking up and down his neck.

“I will.” Sidney turns his head, pressing a kiss to the point of Alex’s jaw, arm moving around his waist. He isn’t any stranger to hardship, and this isn’t going to be any different. With his family, Alex and his team supporting him he’s going to get through this. 

\-----

For the longest time nothing like Vancouver happens again, and Sidney isn’t sure why, but he’s glad of it. He doesn’t know if it’s because people have finally realized it isn’t going to get him to fight or if they just don’t care anymore.

At least until their next long road trip. 

They’re in Arizona and Sidney leans forward, watching as the puck slides across the ice towards Flower. So far the game has been ugly, with several penalties on either side, but they’ve managed to hold it together and they are a goal ahead. Flower covers the puck and the refs blow the whistle.

The faceoff happens and the puck sails down the ice toward the Coyotes’ net and Sidney hops over the boards with Geno on the change. He intercepts the puck and sends it careening off the boards, to where Geno picks it up. A quick flick of his wrist sends it flying high and the whistle blows.

Sidney feels someone shove him and he spins, though no words are forthcoming. Off to the right though it looks like Geno is ready to murder someone and Sid skates over, putting himself between his friend and his intended target. He plants his hand on Geno’s chest, shoving him back, though he doesn’t think it was doing much good. “Geno, don’t!”

His tone of voice is enough to snap whatever has Geno and he shakes his head, an ugly look on his face. “Sid, he call you faggot.”

Anger curls in his stomach and Sidney shoves Geno in the direction of the circle. “This is what I wanted to avoid Geno. You doing something stupid. The last thing we need is another penalty.”  
The others are looking at them and Sidney lowers his voice, not wanting the rest of the team to know what is going on. Right now, this is their game to lose and he would rather they didn’t and especially not when he would be the cause. “I said nothing dumb, so don’t do it. And don’t tell the others. I can’t ride herd on all of you.”

Geno looks like he wants to argue but he settles, mouth pressed into a thin line. 

Sidney shakes his head. He should have known sooner, or later Geno was going to find out what was going on, but they’re going to have a talk about it. He doesn’t need the other man going off half-cocked again. “Just let it go.”

Which is the last piece of advice he should be handing out, but he needs Geno to listen to him. As much as the rest of the team would like to believe, this is his battle to fight. It is his life that has been upended and he appreciates the support but not at the expense of winning games.

\-----

“Am I being stupid about this?”

Flower glances at him, with a look like he’s asking a stupid question, but he sits up in his seat. “Can I ask what this is, so I know what you want my opinion about?”

Sidney nods. “This being my whole situation. Is it stupid to get worked up every time some calls me a faggot?”

Frowning, Flower leans into him. “How often does that happen?”

With a shrug Sidney checks to make sure no one is eavesdropping, but the others all seem to be asleep. It isn’t that he doesn’t think Flower will get revenge if need be, but he’s a lot slower to anger than some of their teammates. “Not often. Every couple of games. Vancouver was the first time. Last night, which is why Geno looked like he wanted to murder someone.”

Flower looks at him. “I mean, I would be pissed if I was in your situation, being outed like that. But I guess I get your point. Getting angry is just going to waste a lot of energy and what others think about you doesn’t really matter.” He cants his head as he looks at Sidney. “And I’m getting the feeling Alex feels the same way.”

Sidney nods, because Alex really does. Short of his anger after the first incident in Vancouver Alex has been levelheaded about the situation, something Sidney wishes he could manage. He’s tried, but he can’t seem to manage, because every time someone says faggot, he feels the knot in his stomach tighten and he just wishes it would go away. “I keep trying to forget it, not let it bother me, but so far I haven’t had any luck.”

He makes a face. “I try, but-” He trails off, knowing he doesn’t need to say anything else.

Shifting Flower folds his hands across his stomach. “Honestly Sid, I think the only way the other teams are going to let it drop is if they realize it doesn’t bother you.” He grins at the look on Sidney’s face, because they both know letting things go isn’t something he has an easy time with. “Do what you want, but that is my advice on the matter.”

He pokes Sidney in the shoulder. “The next time I expect to be paid for my services. I can’t go around providing advice for free.”

With a huffed laugh Sidney leans back in his seat. “I don’t know that your advice is worth paying for, but I appreciate it.”

“Fine, just don’t wake me up next time.” He settles back in the seat and closes his eyes, though his faint smile ruins it all. 

Shaking his head Sidney closes his eyes, though he knows he isn’t going to sleep. Not with what Flower had said fresh in his mind. He knows his friend is right, that he really needs to just let this thing go. By now most everyone seems to have decided they don’t care about who he’s living with or the fact that person is a man. 

The only people showing any interest are the other players, who are using it as a chance to throw him off balance and he knows Flower is right. He needs to find a way to not care about the words, like Alex and Flower both said. 

Which is going to be a lot easier said than done. 

\-----

Rolling his shoulders Sidney looks around the arena, at the wash of garish orange and he ducks his head. He hates playing away from home, but Philadelphia is even worse, and it makes his skin crawl. No matter how much he tries, the boos and yells always seem to get to him, and it’s a hollow pleasure that the rest of the team seems just as off balance as he does. 

They’re halfway through the first period and there haven’t been any goals on either side, though the Flyers have been giving Flower a hell of a time. 

Sidney feels Geno lean against his shoulder, and he glances at his friend. “I fucking hate this place.”

Geno nods, dark eyes narrowed as he stares at the ice. “Is worst.”

Their conversation is cut short as they take to the ice and Sidney knows he isn’t imagining the increased volume of boos; the way people are yelling. 

He stiffens, hands tightening around his stick as Giroux skates up to him. The other man is smirking and it’s a look Sidney has seen enough times to know it doesn’t bode well. He’s vaguely aware of Geno off to his side and he can only hope the other man isn’t going to do anything stupid. Since Arizona Geno has managed to keep it under control, but Sidney isn’t sure how well that is going to work when Giroux is obviously going to try and start a fight. 

Giroux stops a few feet from them, head cocked to the side. He casts a dismissive look at Geno before turning his attention on Sidney and his smirks widens. “You know, I wasn’t all that surprised when I saw the picture. I mean, I’ve always suspected, but to have proof.” 

His eyes dart to Geno again. “I’m sure your boyfriend loves the way you suck dick. Since I’m sure you’ve had plenty of practice.”

Angry heat suffuses his face and Sidney raises his hand to stop Geno, who is tense. He looks at the other man, who is still smirking, waiting for a response and Sidney feels something in him unknot. Since Vancouver and his conversations with Alex and Flower, he has been doing a lot of thinking, about what both men said. 

Sidney shifts his weight and grins, watching the way Giroux’s face tightens, like he was expecting something else. “Actually, he does and I am really fucking good at it.”

Giroux’s eyes widen in surprise and the fight falls from his face. 

Geno snorts a laugh as they watch Giroux skate away and he turns to look at Sidney, smiling though the confusion is plain on his face. “Sid?”

Sidney shrugs, his anger replaced by the warmth of satisfaction, that he isn’t going to let anyone use his relationship with Alex against him. He looks at Geno. “I’m tired of letting other people use Alex against me. It isn’t going to happen again.”

Laughing Geno throws his arm around Sidney’s shoulders. “Is good Sid. But not need to know that about you and Sanja.”

Sidney laughs, feeling better than he has since this whole thing started. “Sorry. I’ll try not to scar you next time.”

It had been oddly liberating to say that to Giroux and Sid can only help this encounter makes rounds through the league. He’s done fighting this, is done hiding. From now on he’s going to face this head on and nothing anyone can say is going to change it. 

\-----

Sidney shifts, pressing closer against Alex’s side. They’re on the couch, watching some dumb movie he can’t name and doesn’t know what is going on. He’s been more focused on the feel of Alex against him, his quiet, familiar breathing. Nothing had been going on today and they had spent most of the morning at the rink, and Sidney still isn’t sure how, but they had spent more time chasing each other around the ice, than trying to get the puck in the net or anything else productive. 

Afterward they had shared a rather enjoyable shower and he had taken the time to work Alex’s knee until he had been half asleep on the couch, murmuring in pleasure. Dinner had been quick, chicken and vegetables before they had settled together on the couch to watch whatever bad movie is playing.

Sidney sighs, feels Alex move and lips brush across his temple and he closes his eyes. He regards nights like this with fondness, when he and Alex can spend a quiet night together, not having to worry about the outside world, what people think of their relationship, or where the team stands in the rankings. It’s a moment of normalcy Sidney has come to come to relish and he always focuses on the here and now, the press of Alex against his side.

Pulling away Sidney leans forward to grab the remote from the coffee table. He turns the TV off, leaving them in the warm pool of light, cast by the lamp near the couch. He feels Alex’s gaze on him, and he turns, looking at his partner, the familiar crooked line of his nose, the faint wrinkles at the corners of his eyes and the sparse spattering of grey in his hair, reminders Alex has two years on him.

The news cycles seem to have finally dropped all the stories about he and boyfriend, which is something he has never called Alex ever, not even in his mind. Alex is his partner, has put up with him being stupid and his bad moods when he’s injured for months and gets crabby because he can’t play. He knows how to wait him out and when he needs to push, and Sidney doesn’t know what he would do without him at this point. 

Alex has become as vital to him as his heart and when he first saw Alex on his doorstep years ago, he never would have imagined how entangled he has become in this man. 

He shifts closer, until his knee is pressing against the heavy muscle of Alex’s thigh. “Alex.”

“Hmm?” 

The sound rumbles through Alex and Sidney leans forward. He curls his hand around Alex’s bicep, thumb sweeping between skin and the soft fabric of the T-shirt Alex is wearing. “You know I love you, right?”

Heat fills his cheeks and Sidney has to fight the urge to duck his head under Alex’s intense gaze. This is the first time he’s said it, or Alex, save in a text from a few years ago. It shouldn’t feel so odd to say, as Sidney is pretty sure he’s been in love with Alex since he drove him away, and he kind of feels like an ass, that it has taken him this long to finally say it. 

Alex’s gaze softens and he smiles. “Yes Sidney. Long time now.”

Sidney shakes his head and laughs, leaning into press a kiss to the corner of Alex’s mouth. Of course, Alex has known for years. Alex has always been better at this relationship than he has, able to read his cues and moods, has been an anchor he hadn’t realized he had needed until he had gone.

He shifts, catching Alex’s mouth in a proper kiss before pulling away, though he leaves his hand on Alex, not wanting to break contact between them. “Maybe we could go on a date?”

At this point it only seems like the right thing. For years they’ve either gone skating or gone out with the team, using them as a smokescreen. Now though there isn’t any need to hide, not with the way they’ve been thrust out. They both deserve this, to be able to act like a normal couple.

Alex frowns, hand coming up to rest on the back of Sidney’s neck, squeezing gently. “Just went today. You busy.” 

Laughing Sidney kisses Alex again. “A real date. Dinner some place nice, or something else.” He frowns and shakes his head, because it never should have gotten to the point Alex thought their trips to the rink were suitable for all their rare time together. “Not that I don’t enjoy when we go mess around at the rink, but something different would be good.”

As though understanding his thoughts Alex’s frown melts away and he kisses Sidney, fingers curling against his neck. “Would like that very much.”

“Good.” Sidney rubs his thumb against Alex’s skin, brow creased as he thinks. “I don’t know when. We leave again in two days.”

Alex shakes his head and catches Sid’s mouth in a slow, lingering kiss, fingers pressing into the back of his neck. It turns into a long series of kisses until he eases back, smiling at the soft sound Sidney makes. “Not matter when Sidney. Am okay waiting.”

Sidney slides his hand from Alex’s arm to rest on his shoulder, tugging even as he shifts, pulling the other man to settle between his legs. He brushes his mouth across Alex’s, nipping at his bottom lip in a teasing manner. “As soon as I get back.”

Alex hums, hand pushing under Sidney’s shirt as he kisses him again and Sidney squeezes his eyes shut at the rush of warmth filling him at the gentle brush of fingers against his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully sometime soon I'll have up a date night story, though I'm not going to be silly enough to make any promises on how long it will take.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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